One of the great men who had helped create the nation, however, saw that not all was as good as everyone thought. Now that he did not have things such as war, famine, and economic strife to distract him, he began to notice something very disconcerting. The schedules that people kept in the summer, it seemed, did not match with the sun’s progress through the sky. It saddened the great man to see how early on beautiful sunny mornings many people’s shades were drawn against the light, because they were still asleep. It seemed a shameful crime to the great man also that people were still up long after the sun went down, burning fuel for light long into the night.

“What a terrible waste of daylight,” said the great man. “Human beings were meant to enjoy the sun. They are not creatures of the night. It is a shame indeed that the hours in which we conduct our business make such an inefficient use of the sun during summer.”

So the great man went home and thought long and hard about the problem, and finally came to a solution. It was simple, really. All he had to do was change the sun’s schedule! If the sun could be persuaded to rise later and set later, this horrible travesty of conducting business at night would be abolished!

Unfortunately, men aren’t too good at telling the sun what to do. More often than not, attempts are met with abject failure. Realizing this because he was wise as well as great, the great man thought long and hard on the problem some more. After many long nights of thinking, burning his own candles through the night and into the next day, the great man came to another solution.

Maybe he couldn’t really tell the sun to change its schedule . . . but he could make people believe he could! All the people would have to do was periodically reset their clocks. They could set them ahead by one hour at the beginning of summer, and it would seem to them as if the sun was rising later and setting later! No more would people sleep through the glorious light of the morning sun; no more would they have to burn their candles for hours before they went to bed! It was perfect, brilliant, fool-proof.

And so the great man gathered all the people to him and told them of his idea. The people rejoiced, because the great man had found a way to make their great nation even greater! They hurriedly set about to implement the changes. They were very successful. So successful, in fact, that the entire world started doing the same thing! The people congratulated themselves on their fortitude, their utter brilliance! They venerated the man who had come up with this idea! So what did it matter that not everyone in the world could agree to a specific date on which to change the clocks? What did it matter that twice a year this changing of the time caused mass confusion and resulted in people missing important dates and meetings? It was a Brilliant Idea!

But all was not peaceful in the nation in which this glorious trend had begun. There were a small group of people who said, “Wait. What is the point of changing the clocks twice a year?”

“It’s a Brilliant Idea!” cried their peers in ecstasy. “It makes the day seem one hour longer, because we all sleep through sunrise!”

“But why?” asked the sceptics. “Why do we want to make it seem as if the sun is rising later and setting later? Does it really matter all that much? What exactly does this accomplish?”

Their peers blinked at them. Finally, one of the smarter ones said, “Um, it saves energy?”

“Yes, yes!” everyone else cried.  “Because you will burn your candles one hour less than you normally would! That is why it’s Brilliant!”

“But is that worth the confusion that it causes?” asked the skeptics. “How much energy does messing with the clocks twice a year actually save?”

Their peers had no answer. Another one, who happened to be a politician, said, “It helps the farmers!”

“Yes, yes!” cried the people. “It helps the farmers! And as you know, farmers are Very Important People!”

“How exactly does it help the farmers?” asked the skeptics. But no one answered, as everyone else had left with the politician and were celebrating their general Brilliance. Imagine, changing the clocks! It was like controlling time itself! Now nothing could stop the human race from achieving anything it wanted, not after it learned to change the clocks!

The skeptics huddled in a group and conversed amongst themselves.

“The world is insane,” said one. The others agreed.

“I refuse to take part in this madness,” said another. This announcement was followed by echoes of, “Me, neither!” and, “I refuse to yield!”

And, convinced that changing the clocks was the Most Retarded And Moronic Idea Anyone Has Ever Thought Of ™, they moved away from the other people and established their own states, of which there were three.  Twice a year they laugh heartily as the rest of the world trips over itself trying to remember if they’re setting the clocks forwards or backwards, for no one now remembers why they change the clocks, just that they do.