Jack: Okay. Well, I suppose now is the time for me to say something profound . . . nothing comes to mind. Let's do it.

Jack: This is turning out to be a bad day.

Jack: We've been in worse situations than this.
Teal'c: Not to my knowledge.
Jack: Thanks, Teal'c.

Daniel: Jack, I've already been through this once before. I've already seen this before.
Jack: Daniel, will you relax? You've been through it before and you survived. We're just . . . having a bad day.

Jack: Carter, if someone comes in here, you bite `em in the hand.

Daniel: Well, on the bright side, my hand isn't blurry anymore.

Hammond: Maybe you can tell me why our forces haven't gone on full alert? If we don't get our assets moving now, they'll be caught on the ground.
Samuels: The current thinking at the Pentagon is to do nothing that would alert the Goa'uld we know they're there.
Hammond: Let me guess whose bright idea that was.

Sam: Uh, excuse me, did you say the warships of our world?
Bra'tac: Surely you have such vessels?
Daniel: Well, we have a number of . . . of . . .
Jack & Daniel: Shuttles.
Bra'tac: These shuttles . . . they are a formidable craft?
Jack: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Bad day.

Jack: How many in your wing?
Bra'tac: Three.
Jack: Three?
Bra'tac: Teal'c makes four.
Jack: Oh, well, four.

Bra'tac: We shall have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
Jack: You know, that particular cliché doesn't . . . always work.

Samuels: Well, sir, since I am no longer wanted or needed here, I respectfully request permission to join one of the teams headed for the Alpha site.
Hammond: Permission denied. The idea is to send the best and brightest, Colonel. When the time comes, you will stand alongside the men and women of this command, in defense of this facility.
Samuels: But, sir!
Hammond: I ask no more or less of myself. Dismissed!

Jack: All right, here's what we do.
Bra'tac: I will lead. You will follow.
Jack: Right.

Bra'tac: The shield generators are far below. There, in the very bowels of the ship. We must climb down several decks, through the length of the ship. Then, taking our weapons, we must . . . (Jack drops two grenades down into the shield generators, where they explode).
Jack: Grenades.

Jack: I think what the Captain is asking is "what now?"
Bra'tac: Now we die.
Jack: Well, that's a bad plan.

Bra'tac: Human. Put this on.
Jack: Will you please stop calling me 'human?'"

In the Line of Duty (2x02)

Jack: We're all going to live . . . or we're all going to die right here.

Teal'c: Colonel O'Neill. When you speak to her, do not see your friend.
Jack: How do you do that?

Jolinar: It would not have killed me. I am too valuable.
Jack: Which is exactly why we'll never let you go.

Jolinar: Some seek power for a greater purpose. Not every Goa'uld is an enemy to the people of this planet. The Tok'ra are real, no matter what Apophis has told you.
Teal'c: I have yet to meet one.
Jolinar: You have now. I am Jolinar of Malkshur.

Teal'c: Are you injured?
Daniel: Dumb question. But thank you, I think.
Teal'c: You are welcome.
Daniel: Just don't ever do that again.

Prisoners (2x03)

Daniel: We have no idea what this planet has to offer.
Jack: Trees and moss.

Jack: Teal’c, look scary and take point.

Sam: We need power.
Linea: There are many forms of power, my dear. Some are more subtle than others.
Jack: For the moment, all we need is the electrical kind.

Teal'c: If you once again try to physically harm myself, or any of my companions, my patience with you will expire.

Hammond: Things I do for these people.

Daniel: What happened?
Jack: (in Irish accent) Well, ya actually won a fight, Danny-boy.

Daniel: P2A-509!
Jack: Little brain damage along the way?

Jack: And this just came to you?
Daniel: No, this came to me while I was suffocating.

Linea: I've never seen such a place. It seems so alien. (the Gate room)
Teal'c: So it was for me. Over time it has become home.

Linea: Thank you for your kindness. All debts have now been paid.

The Gamekeeper (2x04)

Sam: Well, this is beautiful.
Jack: Yeah, but where's there's a garden, there's snakes.
Daniel: And flowers. (sneezes) Way too many flowers.

Sam: I like what they've done with the place.
Jack: I'm not sure I like what the place has done to them.

Kawalsky: Why you acting so spooked, Jack?
Jack: Maybe because I am. You're both supposed to be dead.

Daniel: Oh, super. So it takes one of the most tragic moments in my life and plays it over and over again.

Sam: Yeah, where are we, exactly?
Gamekeeper: I believe you call this place the New York Museum of Art.
Sam: No, no, where are we in reality?
Gamekeeper: Reality is in the eye of the beholder, is it not?

Daniel: I mean, imagine you were locked in a room for a thousand years with only a VCR, a TV and five movies. How many times could you watch those five movies until you were bored silly? What you wouldn't give for just four more.

Jack: General, without meaning, this time, to sound like a smart ass, are you cracked?

Daniel: Where are we going?
Jack: Back through the Gate to show them what their planet looks like . . . in our memories . . . before the virtual reality . . . leave me alone.

Need (2x05)

Jaffa: On your knees.
Jack: No, actually I've got this cartilage problem, little ACL thing . . . (Jaffa hits his legs with staff weapon) ah, yeah, that helps.

Sam: Lately, I get this weird feeling when I'm near Teal'c.
Jack: Hey, who doesn't?

Jack: You know, I've seen an awful lot of union violations around here. I should probably speak to your supervisor.
Jaffa: You will work. (hits Jack again)
Jack: Hi ho hi ho, back to work.

Shyla: Because you're my destiny.
Daniel: Wha . . . what?
Shyla: Before she died, my mother used to come out here and take long walks at night. You can see every star in the sky through the treetops.
Daniel: No, see, about the destiny thing?

Jack: Well, it's surprisingly difficult to kill you, isn't it?

Daniel: I've used it before without any side effects. And look! No glasses!
Sam: That looks like a side effect to me.

Jack: The man who would be king.

Thor's Chariot (2x06)

Jack: You all know I take great pride in my title as Mr. Positive. However, we did destroy their de-Goa'ulding thing. Might not they look unkindly on that?

Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible.
Jack: General, I gave the order.
Daniel: And I fired the staff at the machine.
Sam: And I . . . was there.

Teal'c: He is the son of Ra and of Hathor.
Jack: Nice pedigree.

Teal'c: Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will, in fact, calm up.

Daniel: Guys, there's a third option here we might want to consider. There's a legend around here about a Hall of Thor's Might.
Jack: Daniel, there's a time and a place for mythology . . .

Daniel: This is the Hall of Might?
Gairwyn: You were expecting something different?
Daniel: Well, uh-huh, maybe a hall?

Sam: So, uh . . .  we're supposed to go across this?
Daniel: I don't suppose this is the best time to bring up my problem with heights.

Thor: Impossible. Cimmeria is a safe world.
Daniel: Yeah . . . we sort of messed that up.

Jack: Daniel, you look suspiciously empty-handed.

Message in a Bottle (2x07)

Sam: This is incredible. If Daniel is right this artifact has been doing this since Neanderthals were still a dominant species on Earth.
Jack: Ah, that takes me back.

Jack: You think it might be a booby trap.
Teal'c: Booby?

Hammond: Did everything go as planned, Colonel?
Jack: Oh, one small step, one giant leap, that kind of stuff, sir.

Daniel: You know, I don't think it's the artifact. He gets nervous like that every time he's around you. Maybe a crush.
Simmons: Um, we're recording now.
Sam: Thank you, Lieutenant.
Daniel: Oops. Hey, the artifact!

Teal'c: It does not wish to be removed.
Jack: Well, that's too damn bad.

Hammond: The NID people want to see it.
Sam: Even knowing what it's done to the Colonel?
Daniel: Especially knowing what it's done to the Colonel.

Teal'c: The symbiote I carry appears to protect me.
Jack: Way to go, Junior.

Jack: Teal'c, you don't have to stick around.
Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.
Jack: Wild horses, Teal'c, it's . . . that's a joke. You told a joke. Don't make me laugh.

Family (2x08)

Hammond: Did you get an iris code?
Technician: Yes, sir, we did. From SG-1. (SG-1 is standing in the control room)
Jack: Hi, how are ya?

Jack: Bra'tac. Greetings from Earth.
Bra'tac: Hmm. Hassock.

Fro'tak: I am Fro'tak of the High Cliffs.
Jack: Jack, of the Windy City.

Bra'tac: Apophis is about to address the people of Chulak.
Carter: Well, this should be interesting.

Jack: Well, if you've got a price on your head you're doing your job!

Jack: No wonder these guys are always cranky. Let me out of this thing! (the serpent guard armor)

Secrets (2x09)

Jack: You know, I can navigate my way across a galaxy, but I get lost every time I come to Washington.
Sam: Don't worry, sir, these are my old stomping grounds.
Jack: Sorry to hear that.

Sam: I see General Hammond's already doing the rounds.
Jack: Oh, yeah. He's a player. He knows how to work a room.

Jack: Get outta town. Sam's dad? I've heard nothing about you, Sir.

Jack: I retired myself once. Couldn't stay away.
Jacob: From your analysis of deep space radar telemetry.
Jack: Well, it's just so damn fascinating.

Jack: General, Captain, General. Waiter?

Jack: If you're going to go ahead with it, I want to make sure you get one thing right. It's O'Neill with two Ls. There's another Colonel O'Neil with only one L, he has no sense of humor at all.

Heru'ur: You dare challenge me!
Jack: I was thinking about it.

Teal'c: It is a lengthy tale, O'Neill.
Jack: Long story, Teal'c.

Bane (2x10)

Daniel: Uh, we better get out of here.
Jack: No, really?
Daniel: No, really!

Jack: General Hammond, request permission to beat the crap out of this man.

Sam: All I'm saying is that, notwithstanding what happened to Teal'c, there may be valuable technology on that planet.
Jack: Carter, there are bugs on that planet. Big, huge, ugly, honkin' bugs.

Maybourne: Striking an officer is a quick way to a court martial.
Jack: I'm not going to hit you, Maybourne. I'm going to shoot you.

Jack: Pack your bug spray, kids.

Kid: I'll remove myself when you tell me how they do tattoos like that in Chulak.
Teal'c: The skin is cut with an Orak knife and pure molten gold is poured into the wound.
Kid: Ow, man, don't that hurt when they do that?
Teal'c: Tremendously.

Teal'c: Can you get more? (candy bars)
Ally: Maybe. What's in it for me?
Teal'c: Peanuts and caramel.

Teal'c: No one must know.
Ally: Don't sweat it.
Teal'c: I cannot prevent it.
Ally: I meant okay.

Ally: Listen, you're a sitting duck down here.
Teal'c: And ducks are bad?
Ally: Uh . . . the sitting kind are.

Ally: I ain't seen nobody, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.
Maybourne: Oh? Why's that?
Ally: Because I don't like the way you smell.

Fraiser: It's getting better. (the Goa'uld larvae)
Sam: It was so simple.
Jack: Well, I guess my work here is done.

Hammond: Maybourne has ordered the insect specimen and all related research transferred to the Area 51 facility.
Jack: I should've shot him.

The Tok'ra, Part I (2x11)

Teal'c: According to Jaffa legend, the Tok'ra are the Goa'uld resistance. Their stated goal is the destruction of the System Lords and a change in the ways of the empire. They are hunted and despised by the Goa'uld.
Jack: Yes! My kind of guys.

Jack: Ah, where's that yellow brick road when you need it, eh, Dorothy?
Sam: There's some sort of dunes over there.
Jack: Dunes it is.

Teal'c: The Tok'ra are known for their ability to master trails. They are, as you say, stealthy in their actions. (suddenly several Tok'ra appear out of nowhere, brandishing weapons)
Daniel: Yeah, stealthy would be a good word, Teal'c.

Jack: You know, in some galaxies, this is called loitering.

Jack Assuming, of course, you are the Tok'ra.
Cordesh: And if we're not?
Jack: Well, I guess we all start shooting, there's blood, death, hard feelings . . . it'd suck.

Jack: Take me to your leader.

The Tok'ra, Part II (2x12)

Jack: The good news is there's eight of us now.
Daniel: That's good news?
Jack: Yes. More manpower.
Teal'c: Is this another one of your strange jokes, O'Neill?

Sam: I don't work with satellites, Dad. That was just a cover.
Jacob: No kidding. I never would have guessed.

Jacob: They have a cure there? What's the catch?
Hammond: It's a doozie, Jacob, I won't lie to you on that.

Jacob: Holy Hannah!

Jacob: You do that a lot?
Sam: Yeah, once or twice a week.
Jacob: It beats the hell out of a shuttle on the back of a rocket.
Jack: Goes a lot further, too.

Teal'c: Chel nak.
Daniel: Direct translation, very cool.

Selmak: If you agree to the blending, we could be together for a very long time.
Jacob: You don't look so good.
Selmak: You are no vision of beauty yourself, sir.

Sam: Well that's good, Dad, you can sit around for hours cracking yourself up.

Jacob: That's strange. I can feel myself talking, but it's not me saying the words. You know?
Jack: Don't know. Take your word for it.

Jacob: Apparently, I'm the oldest and wisest among us.
Sam: Oh, geez.

Spirits (2x13)

Jack: Oh, please . . . aliens are always poking me full of holes.

Hammond: Obviously, we've started our relations on the wrong foot.
Jack: But that's so rare, sir.

Sam: Captain Samantha Carter, SGC.
Tonane: Long name.

Tonane: T'akaya, my friend. My, your coat shines beautifully today. (to Sam) A little flattery couldn't hurt, Sam.
Sam: My, what big eyes you have.

Jack: Is anyone at the Pentagon or along the chain of command remotely concerned about their aboriginal rights, repeating history, that annoyingly pesky moral stuff . . .?

Daniel: Anyway, like I was saying, this is, um, a storeroom and the reason we store things is so that we always have them on hand. Like this. (picks up a package)
Tonane: Can I go home now?
Daniel: Okay, Tonane, I won't lie to you. There is a problem. We have to find Jack.
Tonane: Okay. (looks around) He's not in here.

Daniel: Jack?
Jack: Daniel?
Daniel: Are you you?
Jack: Yeah, you?
Daniel: What?
Jack: Never mind.

Daniel: T'akaya, before you make me disappear or . . . bite me . . . just hear me out.

Touchstone (2x14)

Jack: That's why we'd like to go back, Sir. Carter wants to get a closer look with some of her specialized doohickeys.
Hammond: Doohickeys?
Jack: I believe that's the technical term, Sir.

Jack: All right. We came here in peace, we expect to go in one . . . piece.

Jack: Kind of like shooting off a gun when a train's going by. (everyone stares blankly at him) . . . to hide the sound.
Sam: Yes, Sir.

Sam: Bear with me.
Jack: Bearing . . .

Hammond: Nothing happens regarding the Stargate without my knowing about it. If a person sneezes near it I get a report.

Hammond: Son, do you know what color this phone is?

Jack: This where you're keeping the little green men?
Major Reynolds: There are no alien life forms at Area 51.
Jack: (to Teal'c) Present company excluded, of course.

Maybourne: Teal'c, it's good to see you are well.
Teal'c: In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.

Sam: Now, if we can't track the Touchstone, there may still be a way to track the second gate on Earth.
Jack: Oh, sure. Let's just put out an APB for a huge honkin' two story metal ring with 39 little pictures all nicely engraved on it.

The Fifth Race (2x15)

Jack: Well, this was an intergalactic waste of time.

Jack: Daniel, how long you figure we ought to hang out here and scratch our cosmic heads?

Jack: Teal'c looked, I looked, it grabbed my head, I passed out, I came to, we're here, we're home. Can we go?

Jack: I am absolutely fine. There is nothing cruvus with me. (everyone stares at him) What?
Daniel: You just said there's "nothing cruvus" with you.
Jack: I did not.
Daniel: Yes, you did.
Jack: No, I didn't.
Daniel: Yes, you did.
Jack: Didn't.
Daniel: Did.
Jack: Didn't.
Daniel: Did.
Jack: Cruvus, what is that?

Teal'c: What is the reason for these padded gloves, O'Neill?
Jack: So we don't hurt each other. I'll be honest with you, Teal'c, it's so you don't hurt me.

Jack: Come on, Teal'c, you've gotta move around a little bit, you gotta dance.
Teal'c: I do not understand, O'Neill. Are we preparing to dance or to do battle?

Jack: All right, what the hell is going on with me?
Daniel: What do you mean?
Jack: Well, apparently I've lost the falatus to speak properly. (surprised) That wasn't a joke. I didn't do that on purpose.

Daniel: Do you know what this means?
Jack: No! I mean, I'm just looking at it and the words pop right into my fron! Does anybody think this is odd?

Sam: Colonel, what are you doing?
Jack: I need this.
Sam: What for?
Jack: I have no idea.

Daniel: Um, well, my translation's a little bit vague, um, I think the circle means "the place of our legacy." Um . . . or it could be "a piece of our leg," but the first seems to make more sense.

Hammond: Colonel?
Jack: Yes, Sir?
Hammond: What are you doing?
Jack: I don't know, Sir. You know me and computers.
Hammond: Colonel, I'm ordering you to stop.
Jack: I'd love to, Sir, but I can't.

Daniel: It sounds like they have no idea.
Technician: Well, actually it's not no idea, sir, just not much of one yet.

First Asgard: Understand this. There was once an alliance of four great races in the galaxy: the Asgard, the Nox . . .
Jack: Met them.
First Asgard: . . . the Furlings . . .
Jack: Don't know them.
First Asgard: . . . and the Ancients, the builders of the Stargates.

Second Asgard: You have already taken the first steps towards becoming the fifth race.

A Matter of Time (2x16)

Jack: Look, I know I should know this by now. I swear it'll be the last time I ask. These wormholes we go through, they're not always there, right?
Sam: No, sir. It can only form between two open gates.
Jack: What's with the worm part? The worm thing. I don't get that.
Sam: That's just a metaphor.
Jack: Right. I knew that.

Cromwell: My supervisors have reason to believe the SGC has been overrun by alien hostiles.
Fraiser: Well, all I can say is they've been misinformed.
Cromwell: Well, from what I've read about what goes on in this base, Dr. Fraiser, hell, you could be one of them for all I know.

Sam: Gravity waves. Colonel, I assumed that the wormhole itself would isolate us from the black hole's gravitational field but it seems that our space-time has begun to warp, just like on P3W-451.
Jack: Will you STOP that!
Sam: We're in trouble, sir.
Jack: Thank you. Think of something.
Sam: Yes, sir.

Cromwell: That's how long this facility's been out of contact with the outside world. Pentagon suspected alien hostiles.
Jack: And they sent you?

Jack: We gated to a planet that's being sucked up by a black hole. Very bad. Very dangerous.
Cromwell: And why is that?
Jack: Things tend to get sucked in.

Jack: You just came back from Washington, sir?
Hammond: There and back again. After someone upstairs managed to explain what was going on to me, we called an all-night session with the President and the Joint Chiefs. I've been gone nearly eighteen hours.
Jack: I thought you were on the phone.

Sam: Well, sir, accounting for time spent coming and going, I would guess that time in the SGC facility has slowed to an average of about 600 percent below normal. When you ordered Colonel O'Neill to wait 5 minutes, you were really telling him to wait 6 hours, maybe more.
Hammond: Captain, relativity gives me a headache.

Sam: Hey, Teal'c. You know anything about quantum gravity?
Teal'c: Nothing.
Sam: Apparently neither do I.

Cromwell: Just like old times, huh, Jack?
Jack: Oh yeah. Black holes, wormholes. Just like old times.

Holiday (2x17)

Ma'chello: We're not? Of course we are not! Then if we are not Goa'ulds, who are we?
Daniel: Well, I'm Daniel Jackson, from the planet Earth.
Ma'chello: Yes, Yes! That's right, I am Daniel Jackson from the planet Earth. Pleased to meet you.
Daniel: No, I'm, I'm, I'm Daniel Jackson.
Ma'chello: No, I'm Daniel Jackson.

Jack: All right, describe for me the dress your sister wore last week when I took her out.
Daniel: I don't have a sister, Jack, and if I did I wouldn't let you near her.

Ma'chello: Why does no one answer me?
Fred: 'Cause you're strange.

Hammond: How did it go, Colonel?
Teal'c: (in Jack's body) It did not go well, General Hammond.
Jack: (in Teal'c's body) Ya think?

Ma'chello: You are one of the most enchanting women I have seen in my lifetime. I would be honored by a kiss.
Waitress: Yeah, I bet you would.

Teal'c: (in Jack's body) If I am to remain in this body, I must shave my head.
Jack: (in Teal'c's body) You're making a joke, right?
Teal'c: I am not joking.
Jack: Teal'c, you will not shave my head.
Teal'c: It is presently my head, O'Neill.

Ma'chello: How does one court a wife, Fred?
Fred: Usually with lots of time, energy, and those credit cards.
Ma'chello: Good. Let us begin now.

Ma'chello: You were right, Fred. All good things do come to an end.

Daniel: What right do you have to judge the value of my life?

Serpent's Song (2x18)

Jack: Holy Buckets!

Jack: General Hammond, Apophis. Apophis, General Hammond.
Hammond: We've met.

Daniel: I'm not really sure but I think what he's asking for is . . .
Teal'c: Sanctuary.
Daniel: Right.
Hammond: Why?
Jack: I think some rival Goa'uld just kicked his ass.

Jack: So what does he really want?
Daniel: You heard him yourself. He wants sanctuary.
Jack: I'm not buying that.
Daniel: He gambled we would show compassion even to our worst enemy. He was right.
Jack: You think he orchestrated this? Let me tell you something. The only compassion I showed was not blowing his head off.

Apophis: O'Neill, I am dying.
Jack: My heart bleeds for you.

Jack: Can't help you out there. That's between you and your God. Oh, wait a minute. You ARE your God. That's a problem.

Apophis: Your people. They are still primitive. You will be destroyed.
Jack: You don't look like you're up to it.

Apophis: A single human life is worth so much you'd risk a world?
Jack: That's right. That's why they call us the good guys.

Daniel: I know where your child is.
Apophis: My son.
Daniel: Yes. I brought him into the world with my own hands on Abydos.
Apophis: He was taken by Heru'ur.
Daniel: No. By me.

Apophis: There was a time when you would die for me, Teal'c.
Teal'c: That time is no more.

One False Step (2x19)

Jack: That never gets old. I love that. (launching the UAV)

Daniel: Déjà vu.
Teal'c: I am unfamiliar with that term.
Daniel: Um, it means I feel like I've been here before.
Teal'c: That is correct, Daniel Jackson. Yesterday, when we first arrived on this planet.
Daniel: Right. What was I thinking?

Daniel: I thought the alien on the video looked fairly docile. More curious than harmful.
Jack: I thought it looked bald, white and naked.

Teal'c: Since it is their planet, is it not we who are the aliens?
Daniel: Actually, the word 'alien' refers to anything characteristic of a very different place or culture. Anything really strange relative from our own perspective.
Jack: Think we call you alien because you're from Chulak? Ha!

Daniel: I've tried everything I know about rudimentary communication. And to be honest, I've had more successful conversations with dogs.

Teal'c: This one had lubricant from the UAV on his hands. Perhaps that is what has made him ill.
Jack: Could be their national pastime for all we know.

Jack: Witness if you will . . . squat.

Daniel: Maybe you could try something a little bit better than inappropriate sarcasm.
Jack: You want sarcasm? Nice to meet you.

Daniel: We're not doing nothing.
Jack: You're videotaping a plant.

Jack: I think you might be losing what's left of your mind.
Daniel: What's that supposed to mean?
Jack: It means that on a good day you can be a little flaky.
Daniel: And on a good day you can be a little ignorant and condescending.

Daniel: I don't know. Pick something. How about mythology?
Jack: Rumors, lies, fairy tales.
Daniel: You see? See? See? See? Mythology is one of the primary motivations for cultural development!
Jack: Maybe it is. What's that got to do with FILMING A PLANT?!
Daniel: Exactly!
Jack: What does that mean?
Daniel: I don't know!

Daniel: Would you do me a favor? Could you keep an eye on this plant thing for me?
Teal'c: I will keep both of my eyes on it, Daniel Jackson.

Show and Tell (2x20)

Jack: So what do l call you?
Son: l do not have a name.
Jack: What does your mom call you?
Son: Son.
Jack: That's not much of a name.
Son: No, it’s more of a description.

Son: Mother says you too have a son.
Jack: I had one. He's gone now.
Son: What was his name?
Jack: Charlie.
Son: I like Charlie. It's a good name. Can I be called Charlie?
Jack: Yeah, sure, if that's what you want.

Fraiser: It's like Mother Nature put him together in a hurry and got everything just a little wrong.

Jacob: Selmak, Selmak, Selmak. l thought maybe you wanted to see your old man.
Sam: l do, Dad.
Hammond: But this time we do need your symbiote, Jacob.
Jacob: Nice to see you too, George.

Sam: Even though we can't see them, these Reetou can definitely see us.
Teal'c: Which puts us at a great strategic disadvantage. I can understand why the Goa'uld would want to eliminate them.
Jack: They're Goa'uld, Teal'c. That's their job.

1969 (2x21)

Soldier: (in Russian) You Soviet spies?
Daniel: Nyet.
Jack: Daniel?

Thornbird: I'm Major Robert Thornbird. And you are?
Jack: Captain James T. Kirk, of the starship Enterprise.

Jack: Oh. Well, it's hard to say.
Thornbird: Some sort of state secret?
Jack: No, just difficult to pronounce.

Jack: All right. I'll be honest with you, Bob. My name's not Kirk. It's Skywalker. Luke Skywalker.

Jack: Or . . .
Sam: I can't think of an "or" at the moment, sir.
Daniel: No "or?"
Jack: There's an "or."
Daniel: There's an "or?"
Sam: Sir, you can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
Jack: Captain, where there's a will, there's an "or."

Daniel: So, what's the plan?
Jack: Find the Stargate.
Daniel: Find the Stargate? That's the plan?
Jack: Elegant in its simplicity, don't you think?

Daniel: Well, I speak 23 different languages. Pick one.

Michael: I'm Michael.
Teal'c: I am not at liberty to reveal my identity.
Michael: Far out.

Jenny: So what'd you do?
Daniel: We didn't, ah, we didn't do anything.
Jack: We've got a little problem with . . . the establishment.
Jenny: I SO relate to that.

Michael: After the concert, me and Jenny, we're even thinking of crossing the border up to Canada.
Teal'c: For what reason?
Michael: You know, man, the war.
Teal'c: The war with Canada.
Michael: (confused)  No.

Jack: No, it's true, Michael. We came to Earth to hide among your people, a long, long time ago.
Daniel: From a galaxy far, far away.

Daniel: Uh, the people of our world will be extremely grateful.
Jack: Not the establishment.
Daniel: No. Not them.

Jack: Auntie Em? Auntie Em?

Cassandra: I will tell you this. Your journey's just beginning.

Out of Mind (2x22)

Trofsky: Has it changed much?
Jack: There's no place like home.

Teal'c: General Hammond. I hereby respectfully inform you that I must take my leave of the SGC. Therefore I am no longer under your command.
Hammond: I can't allow you to do that. You represent too great a security risk.
Teal'c: General Hammond, I would die before divulging any information about this world. I believe you know that.
Hammond: Yes, I do.

Daniel: So this is all a hoax?
Jack: Big hoax. I’d say so.
Daniel: I have more questions, but that can wait.

Jack: Damned cost cutting. (after opening a door to reveal a blank wall behind it)

Jack: Oh, I was so hoping never to see you again. (to Hathor)