Skylar Town: Writing: Utopia

Utopia

My name is More. Thomas More. Yeah, I know. My mom thought she was clever because in high school they made her read that book he wrote back in the 15whatevers. You know, the fucked up one with the island where the slaves wore gold and everyone was a communist. My mom thought my name made her look smart, but using me to make herself look better has always been a bad habit of hers. I waited eighteen years to get out of that house and when the time came you bet I packed up my bags and never looked back. Don't worry, she doesn't miss me. She might miss using me as an excuse to act the victim, but she doesn't miss me.

Back to the Thomas More business. You know, they say that certain names will curse (or destine, depending on your viewpoint) a kid to become that thing when they grow up. Well, I'm not an author, I'm not any kind of statesman, and I certainly don't have an English knighthood, but I am in some ways a scholar. And I bet what I study is way cooler than anything Sir Thomas More ever dreamed of, and that includes his crazy little island.

What I study is myths.

Yeah, you think I don't see you? You, right there, in the back, rolling your eyes. You think I'm gonna start droning on about Zeus and Thor and how King Arthur was actually an amalgamation of several different men. I know a little bit about those, yeah. But I'm not talking about mythology, I'm talking about myths. Mythology is for academics. When I talk about myths, I mean the real stuff.

Of course myths are real. Some, anyway. Zeus and all them? Well, let's just say those ancient cultures got it right about half the time. But gods are too big and metaphysics has never been my strong point. I'm more interested in the smaller things, the things that we can see but often refuse to. I like to get up real close and personal with them. Like that chupacabra fellow down in Mexico. Nice guy; I had a beer with him a few years ago. What, like he spends all his time sucking goats? Interestingly enough, he's actually a werewolf, but you wouldn't know it from the stories. People who do see things like to change them to fit with what they want to see, and people have some messed up imaginations. That's the part that makes myths not quite true. Gives them just enough pretend stuff so people can feel better about looking the other way when they experience things they don't understand.

Fairies? Yeah, fairies are real, too, and they don't really like being called fairies. No, not because of any modern slang connotations, but because it's restricting and simplistic. Calling them fairies is like them calling you guys mammals and lumping you in with cats and dogs and those nasty shrew things that look like mice but are twice as mean. I bet you don't like being categorized with them, do you? All the fairies ask is that you show them the same courtesy. Yeah, there are a lot of different types out there to learn about. Deal with it. Chances are none of you will ever see one, anyway.

What else? Okay, you know how Cherokee myths always start by telling you the story took place way back when the world was young and humans could talk to animals? Well, it turns out that how old the world is doesn't have anything to do with it. Certain people can just talk to animals. Yeah, they're still out there, but they don't like others to know about their gift. Who can blame them? The response to "I can talk to animals" is usually, "Wait here while I call the men in white coats." No, smartass, I'm not talking about Dr. Doolittle. He's fiction.

Roswell aliens? Seriously, all the richness of human and nonhuman history and myth, and you ask about that fucking weather balloon that went down in the 40s? Yeah, it was a weather balloon. Area 51 isn't real, guys, come on. What kind of conspiracy nuts am I talking to here?

Look, my point with all this is to encourage you to look around a little next time you're out. Pay attention. "There are more things in heaven and earth..." and all that. Shakespeare knew his shit. He was part of the same organization I'm part of now, you know. Oh, I didn't mention the organization? Yeah, there's an organization. That's all you're allowed to know about it. No I can't tell you any more, and I warn you, we are all trained to resist torture, magic, psychic attacks, and deals with demons, so don't even try it. Back to my point: this, what I see every day, the new things I learn every waking moment of my life. The real and make believe mysteries and the infinite ways we can spin off thousands of more tales from both. We don't live on Sir Thomas's perfect island. But I'd take our own messy, confusing, half-real, and interesting world over that any day.

Now, let me tell you about this woman I met once named Mary Shelley...

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